We’ve all changed at certain points in our lives, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse, depending on the context. However, lasting positive change is always a choice. There is a formula for making that work, and it is always the rarest of personal growth.
This is a framework for understanding behaviour and lasting positive change.
Now, the keyword there is obviously lasting.
You go to a seminar and get all hyped up, but three weeks later, you are doing the same stuff. You go to a counselor and have a breakthrough, but it doesn’t last very long.
So, we’ve all experienced stuff like that.
The late, great Jim Rohn put it like this: “Your level of success will rarely exceed your level of personal development because success is something you attract by the person you become.”
Essentially, what he is saying here is that mindset is everything! The challenge is that most people have been seduced into a world where they think skillset is everything.
So, what is the difference between learning something and having it show up effortlessly and continuously in your life?
Well, there are essentially three levels (or three phases) to go through, from hearing or acquiring some initial knowledge and having it show up at the level of unconscious competence, where you become a master of it.
There are three levels that the knowledge must go through.
Level 1 – Cognitive Understanding
This means that we understand it. There is a transference of understanding. What I’m saying makes sense. I am writing in English, you can read English, so you understand what I have written.
This means you acquire knowledge. Remember, we are in the information age! But does it guarantee you are going to be successful?
Cognitive understanding allows us to sound smart and stay broke. It will allow you to appear intelligent at a cocktail party, but nothing in your life will change.
Because knowing and not doing is the same as not knowing.
This is where we think that by going to a class, we’ll change. By going to an event, taking notes, passing the exam, and getting the certificate, then everything will be good. No, it won’t. What it means is that you’ve graduated from level 1.
What is an example of something you know but don’t do?
Level 2 – Congruency
This is where the feeling centre of the body (the heart) and the thinking centre of the body (the mind) link together.
In other words, cognitive understanding starts in the mind, and when you reach an emotional level of understanding, not just an intellectual level, behaviour starts to change.
We see this in society in many different examples. Sometimes, we call it the Eureka or aha moment. It goes from just being knowledge to Oh Wow, I get it. You feel it. The penny drops, as we sometimes say.
You may have to hear the same information several times before you get that emotional level of understanding. That’s not because you’re not smart; it’s because where you were emotionally in your life at that time is far more relevant to that information.
When you get congruency, when your heart and mind are aligned, you now show up to engage in behaviour in accordance with the knowledge.
Take smoking as an example.
Smokers know they shouldn’t smoke. But what happens to that knowledge? Nothing; it’s intellectual, so there is no behaviour change. They are not unintelligent. They’re not unaware of the dangers. Everybody knows. You can’t construct a logical argument as to why you should smoke at any stretch of the imagination. We now know that. So, why do people smoke?
It’s because the knowledge of how bad smoking is is only at an intellectual level of understanding.
Now, say that smoker goes to the doctor and says, I’ve been having these chest pains. The doctor does a blood test and an X-ray and says, “Hey, Mr. Smith, I’ve got some news for you. If you have one more cigarette, it will trigger a fatal stroke.
Now, has Mr. Smith suddenly become more intelligent about not smoking? Well, no. He had the same level of knowledge, but he now had a big emotional level understanding of the same level of knowledge. And now it’s like, “Woah, okay, I get it!”
Or maybe it’s a different emotional trigger. His 8-year-old daughter comes running up and says, “Daddy, I don’t want you to die. I want you to walk me down the aisle at my wedding, and I don’t think you are going to live that long because you smoke, and I don’t want you to smoke.” And runs off in tears. And now Mr Smith is like, oh no, I’m destroying my daughter. And gets his packet of cigarettes and throws them away.
But guess what? Four weeks later, Mr. Smith has a secret cigarette behind his garage.
At the emotional level of understanding, behaviour change is highly likely. However, lasting change is highly unlikely.
The reason for that is that that emotional level of understanding is often related to pain. However, the leverage is gone once we’ve removed ourselves from the pain. The human body’s memory of pain is very short. Thankfully, otherwise, most women wouldn’t have a second child.
So, when it comes to an emotional connection to pain, if your motivation is moving away from pain, you will not be motivated once you have moved away.
For lasting change, you need level 3.
Level 3 – Identity
This is the level of lasting change. Why? Because we do so much and so little on who we see ourselves.
In psychology, there is a term called cognitive dissonance, which means that human beings very rarely act out of accordance with how they see themselves.
Why do runners run? Because they’re runners. They have the same two eyes, two arms, two legs, and biochemistry as everyone else. But if you don’t see yourself as a runner, you won’t run. But if a runner doesn’t run for 7 days, they get all antsy. They have to get out. They’ve got to hit the pavement.
Your identity governs your behaviour at a multitude of levels of consciousness.
Now, we have a lot of identities that are socially conditioned.
What identity is bestowed upon you as soon as your first child is born? Parent. That comes with a whole set of criteria, obligations, and social pressures.
These are the labels we pick up along the way.
If you see yourself as shy, you won’t speak to an attractive potential partner.
If you see yourself as not good enough, you won’t start the business.
If you see yourself as a vegetarian, you’re not going to eat the meat.
So, your identities govern everything.
The key to remember, though, is that these identities are stuck on with Velcro, not superglue. We can change these labels (our identities) if we choose to do so.
However, if your identity and your behaviour are in alignment, it will make all the habits that you want to seem effortless.
If you’re looking to engage in a new behaviour and it’s not congruent with your identity, you know you need to do it at level 1, you feel compelled to do it at level 2, but it won’t last because it’s not congruent with your identity.
So, if you want to make a behaviour shift, it’s not about learning the technique, it’s not about getting the certificate, and it’s not about graduating from the class; the question you need to ask is, “Who do I need to become to make that congruent?” Not what do I need to do?
After all, we are human beings, not human doings!
What is a good habit you no longer need to think about as it’s just what you do?
Most people are trying to do something in order to become something. That’s the cart before the horse.
So, if we understand that we have an empowering identity, that will lead a completely different life to the kind of an identity that we’ve not really thought about but we’ve collected over our lifetime. Call it a personality, throw a label on it and that is who I am.
It’s not even close!
The number of people who have never actually sat down and asked the question, Who do I need to become to meet that goal I have? What identity would best serve me at this stage of my life right now?
Habits that reinforce your selected identity are usually good. Habits that conflict with your desired identity are not supportive.
If you would like some help with who you need to become to achieve the goals you have for your business and lifestyle, let’s have a conversation. You can book an initial complimentary 15-minute call at TimeWithShane.com.
